A guide into self awareness

Whose rules are they?

A guide into self awareness 4/12/2014 1:42:00 PM

Think of a time in your life when you asked yourself something to the effect of “Why did I do that – again? I suspect we all have asked that question more than once in response to a situation or a not so favorable outcome. One of the more common ones is why do I keep picking the wrong kind of man/woman to be in a relationship with or even marriage.

The answer is really very simple – Because you were comfortable with that person. Now that may seem odd as you may recall how difficult that relationship was at the time. So looking a little deeper it is more so the fact that you were comfortable with a deeper nature of that person. Deeper isn’t completely accurate but somehow that person fulfilled some deep need of yours that you were not even aware of.

How so? you might ask. That is a good question but once again the answer is not far. The answer is however, not in our range of what we look at or perceive on a deeper level.

Let’s step back for a moment and further examine how this can be. After all we are intelligent and reasoning humans. When we grow up, there is a variety of people in our life. Let’s call them our caretakers. Mother and father fit here but so do brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, teachers and just about anybody that you as a child experience in an authoritative way. Authoritative is important here and if you remember as a child, there were many such people. Some of them actually had a more negative influence, but they still represented some aspect of what you came to know.

Begin stepping forward a bit in years and you have a simple understanding of how many of your values and beliefs were born. The point here is that you probably forgot most of them as they were generally rather innocuous events. Sure there are a few that stand out, but many are simply water under the bridge. Or is it? What if the same water keeps flowing under the bridge, but you’ve gotten so accustomed to it, you don’t notice it anymore. Out of sight – out of mind?

These are not new thoughts and theorys. In 1910 an Italian psychiatrist name Roberto Assagioli wrote his dissertation “La Psicosintesi” Italian for Psychosynthesis which was a change on how the world thought of Human development as this moved away from Freud’s popular theory around psychoanalysis. He used the term “Imago” which is Italian for image and was the internal representation of the parent figure. The key word is internal as one’s thoughts are them formed around this “internal” (vs. real) representation.

Ok enough of the deep stuff. But it is important to note that his work was synthesized in the late 80’s by Dr Harville Hendrix into “imago relationship therapy”. In a sense it says we are a collection of (internal) traits synthesized form our experiences and events around the parental figures in our life growing up. These collection of traits become how we see the world or more so how we deal with the people in our world. So it’s important to then ask - whose traits are they?

We created them at some point of our youth/adolescence even adulthood from what we perceive to be right – at the time. As we get older they become patterns even rules that govern the way we think and more so react to any given situation. Simply taking the time to examine some of these rules can then become a powerful conduit to creating a desired change in our life by letting go of somebody else’s rules and more some somebody else rules that no longer serve our best interests or desired goals and outcome.

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